Wednesday, November 18, 2009

You Do The Math

Last night my husband and I watched Star Trek on DVD. When it started in theatres he really wanted to go see it but we either couldn't get a sitter, couldn't afford to see the movie, couldn't afford a sitter and/or just got busy with other things. So yesterday MC and I went up to Blockbuster and rented it so we could surprise him.

When he got home and realized we had the movie he wanted to watch it right away. Now, I have no interest in Star Trek and never have. I don't watch it on TV, have never seen any of the Star Trek movies from start to finish and wasn't too excited about seeing the DVD. But I know that he watches movies I want to see so I was ready to make the sacrifice.

I have to say that I actually enjoyed watching it. Its quite possible that my enjoyment was fueled by the good looks of Chris Pine as James T. Kirk but I wouldn't say I'm that superficial. Overall the plot kept my attention, the special effects were well done and I liked the action.

But this is not a movie review, but rather more of a relationship review. While we're watching the movie I tell my hubby that I don't really understand the fascination with Star Trek. It seems like Trekkies are just nerds with a fixation on a fictional world. Live long and prosper?, get real!

Of course as I'm saying this I also know that I was, am and probably always will be a Star Wars fan. As a child I had all the action figures, the vehicles and accessories my parents would buy. And as of today I still have my Darth Vader carrying case with a few beat up action figures inside.

Anyway, in our conversation, JB says well we like a lot of different things. Pause: this couldn't be more true which would lead an outsider possibly you as you're reading this to wonder, "how do you guys work?" So it made me think about the math of our relationship. If we were to take an Excel spreadsheet and list my interests on one tab, his interests on another and assign the differences or similarities a point value and then calculated them, how big of a difference is there?

I know many people will say, well opposites attract and that's true to some degree in some relationships. But to clear the air let me first say that when my husband and I first started dating I wasn't looking for opposites or differences but rather for someone that had common interests, a similar personality but with interests of his own and the ability to complement my personality.

I'm not writing this to say I'm unhappy because I'm not. True I have days when i wonder how we ended up together but then so do many couples. And I think we both shake our heads on a regular basis and wonder how do we work?

We're both night owls and prefer to staying up late to getting up early. But I'm not a morning person in any shape or form, I'm downright scary and mean in the mornings, my husband can pop out of bed and start singing while he gets dressed...a habit I find quite annoying. Not to mention the fact that once I'm awake and have a conversation with someone I can't fall back asleep, my brain is in gear and won't snooze. My husband, can answer the phone from a dead sleep, be completely coherent, have a brief or long conversation and be sound asleep again in less than five minutes from the time he ends the call. I WISH I could do that.

If we rent a movie and 10 minutes or 30 minutes into it I realize its not going to get any better and I have other things to do then I will stop watching it. But my husband will watch the entire movie with the rationale that someone took the time and spent the money to make it, the least he can do is finish watching it. I really don't understand this concept, rather I figure life is short and why waste it watching garbage?

Then there's the subject of politics, the complicated, lengthy, detailed subject of politics. I don't think there's much we can agree on in the area of politics. I've always studied the candidates and voted for the person I consider to be the most qualified as well as one that expresses views similar to my own, which means on election day my vote may be split between the Republican, Democrat and Independent candidates. I won't say which party my husband favors out of respect for his privacy, but I will say that he tends to favor a party rather than consider the individuals involved. And yes I find this frustrating!

Now when looking at food, music, activities we cross the same page but aren't always on the same page. I like drinking beer and have a wide variety of tastes. But typically if we're in a social setting I'll have a beer or a Makers and coke, he'll have a raspberry Smirnoff Ice or a margarita.

When it comes to music I like country, pop, rock and beach music mostly...he likes everything from Tony Bennett to George Strait. He can listen to the same 300 songs over and over, I need more variety.

As far as food goes we mostly agree, we both love Mexican, Chinese, Italian and seafood. BUT when eating out I like to try new things and he always orders the same thing depending on the restaurant. And he thinks french fries and onion rings are the only vegetable choices.

I could continue to analyze our differences but I'd run out of time and you'd run out of interest. As I said when we met and started dating it was more about our similarities than our differences. We both love to dance, enjoy music, like movies even chick flicks, could eat pizza three times a week every week, love to travel, like to snow ski, etc.

There are days when our differences create problems but we work through them. And while I sometimes wish we were more alike I think I'd find that boring.

So if you did the math on a spreadsheet, if we took a compatibility quiz or joined E-Harmony I don't think we'd be a match. But it doesn't matter. I don't need anyone or any system to show me our differences. I already know most if not all of them. And last night won't be the last time we shake our heads and say, "and we're together how?"

We work somehow, not without fights, disagreements, complications and I can't explain how, but we work. I don't want a cookie cutter marriage and we don't have one. And yes if I was able to make some changes, "customize my husband" I would make some tweaks here and there, as I know he would say the same about me but I wouldn't trade him in or exchange him for a different model.

1 comment: