Thursday, October 21, 2010

Brain Fog

So how often do you experience brain fog? You know that feeling you get when its kind of like you're on autopilot but at the same time eveyrthing feels like it takes more effort than normal.

Today I felt like I was stuck in brain fog, very thick brain fog. I was at the computer and trying to multi-task: eat, check e-mails, watch the kids, etc. but I couldn't really function. So I tried chugging caffeine, eating protein and even just backing away from the computer but nothing really kicked it.

Sometime this afternoon it lifted but I'm not really sure how or why. I can usually attribute a symptom like this to lack of sleep but I've rested pretty well the past three days, thanks to Benadryl and the husband watching the kids while I stayed locked away in the bedroom fighting a sinus infection.

There were lots of things I wanted to accomplish today, cleaning the house, catching up on the laundry that accumulated while I was resting, watching shows on the DVR, etc. but with the brain fog almost nothing was actually started and finished.

And now with it beign 2 AM here I'd like to be sound asleep so I can wake up refreshed and take on some of the tasks I just mentioned but I made the colossal mistake of letting my husband fall asleep before me and now he sounds like a hibernating bear in the dead of winter and I'm writing instead of tossing and turning. Too bad that cleanign the house and washing clothes would wake everyone else up, otherwise I'd be kicking some butt on the chore list right now.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Long Day

Today was a long day. One of those days when every time I wasn't watching my toddler, she was doing something or getting into something she wasn't supposed to be doing. And at times it felt like she was intentionally pushing me to my limits. Could it be?

What did she do? What was she doing? It would be easier to tell you what she wasn't doing, behaving, its simple as that. And to make it even more challenging she kept saying "Daddy" all day long.

But now she's in bed, my two month old is napping on the couch and I'm catching up with the DVR. Now if I can just get motivated to work out too....

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Dreaming of a Dream Vacation

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Who needs a vacation more than a new Mom? Now granted things are a little easier since this is my second child and I knew I'd be facing endless mountains of laundry, diapers followed by feedings followed by more diapers and dirty bottles on every counter top and table. But there are days when just one day of sleeping in late, being able to shop or run errands alone and taking a shower longer than 10 minutes would qualify as both a dream and a vacation. But when I do sleep and even when I'm awake I still dream of a "real" vacation.

When I dream of a vacation, my dream is of a vacation without our children even though I know we'd miss them terribly, it involves a trip to a beautiful tropical island, staying in a luxury villa located on the ocean with a breathtaking view. I want a private chef, maid service, a private pool and hot tub with a butler that will bring us cold margaritas and fruity alcoholic drinks, sleeping in late and dinners on the patio watching the sunset while eating a five course meal.

And since my husband and I never had a "real honeymoon" I want a combination of romance and adventure in a setting as close to paradise as possible. We'd spend our days sightseeing, snorkeling, playing on jet skis and swimming in our private pool at our luxury villa. And in the evening we'd take a yacht out and cruise around the islands while enjoying dinner, dancing and a hot tub on the boat. We could enjoy couples massages and facials and afterwards spend time shopping where the locals shop.

While I love the Internet and cable television, my smartphone and facebook and blogging and all of the other gadgets we have, I'd truly like to have a vacation from it all. I don't want to be reminded of the high crime rates or the problems of the world, no text messages or online games as distractions, no Ipods, etc. Wouldn't it be great to escape the "real world" for a little while?

My ultimate dream vacation would be to have time to reconnect with my husband without the everyday distractions, in a beautiful location where we could create memories that we could share with our children.
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Monday, October 4, 2010

Looking Back, While Moving Forward

I remember my parents and other adults saying "the only thing constant is change." As a child I didn't quite understand what that meant but as an adult and now as a parent of two children I'm reminded of this on a daily basis.

Two years ago today I was pregnant with our daughter and in the ICU with my husband and his family, standing by my father-in-law's bedside praying for him to recover. He passed away that afternoon. One week later to the day I gave birth to our daughter. We were so hapy to have a healthy baby girl but so sad that she would never get to meet her Papa and he'd never be able to hold her.

And then a year ago today we rushed to the ER with our little girl. She'd been sick for 3-4 days and wasn't improving but getting worse. After learning she had bacterial meningitis and the most dangerous strain we were in shock. We were standing in the same hospital where we'd lost my father-in-law, just one year later and the thought of losing our first and only child on that day in that place was unbearable.

Shortly after learning MC's diagnosis we were transferred via ambulance to Texas Children's Hospital. I'd never been in an ambulance before and hope I'll never have to ride in one again. I was lying on the bed with MC on my chest, wrapped in several blankets to keep her warm with an IV in her arm. She was lifeless as we weaved in and out of traffic racing to the hospital.

We spent a week in the hospital with our little girl. And I know we were lucky, I know we were blessed and I feel like we received a miracle. As far as we know she has fully recovered without any damage from her illness.

While we were in the hospital MC had her first taste of McDonald's and celebrated her first birthday and now we're just one week away from her second birthday. It seems like a lifetime ago not just a year.

The loss of my mom and father-in-law mean we must tell our children stories of their grandparents, show them pictures and tell them of their love. And from our experience with MC's short hospital visit, when we say our prayers we pray for the children that can't be healed, for the kids that live in the hospital most of the year battling cancer and other diseases, for their parents experiencing the helpless feeling that we felt firsthand. And we remind ourselves not to take time with our kids for granted. Those are just a few of the things that have changed for us the last two years.

I hug my kids and tell them how much I love them several times a day. If you haven't experienced a severe illness with your child, think of those that ahve and remember them n your prayers at night.