Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

So here I am sitting at the desk putting my thoughts on the screen, waiting to be able to get up, have my body and energy back and tackle all of the projects piling up and clutter that's threatening to take over our house. And wishing I could climb into the attic, pull out all of those boxes that were stored with good intentions and start piles to give away, sell and just toss out.

And as I sit here and look around at the cluttered kitchen counter, the toys strewn all over the den floor, I feel a little resigned that this will be the way it is for the next 6 months. So I also wish I could just go on vacation, somewhere tropical with delicious mocktails and an oceanfront view, where I could put my feet up and relax while MC builds sandcastles and wades in a crystal clear pool.

I'm in full blown nesting mode. At what month exactly is it supposed to hit? My husband thinks I'm crazy. He keeps reminding me the baby isn't due until August and its still April. I guess all of the time I spent in management I learned its better to be proactive and accomplish things early because you never know what could happen to prevent you from getting things done later.

He continues to tell people that I'm upset the "baby's room" isn't ready yet. Its not the baby's room I'm even concerned with but my little girl's "big girl" room. She's 18 months and I want her to continue to feel like she's an important part of the family. I want her to have a beautiful, clutter free room where she can play, read, sleep and grow.

In my head I see the finished room, do you know what I mean? I can see the walls painted, the bed made with the comforter and pillows and the walls covered with a large collage of pictures of her, the flat screen mounted on the wall and a mirror. All little girls need a mirror on their walls, right? The bunk beds are against the wall and look gorgeous. Its the perfect room.

Reality...well we have a full sized bed in the room, with an exercise bike, a bookcase full of junk and a flat screen, a dresser that's empty and taking up space and a very large, heavy trunk full of my husband's family photos. I'm unable to go in and move these things out, the walls are still a ghostly white and the closet is currently empty with the exception of the new shelving units my husband has insisted on building and installing himself.

I'm hoping next week we will be able to find the bunk beds we want and purchase them. Maybe this weekend we'll be able to finish the closet and get some paint on the walls. I'd like for MC to be sleeping in the room by the first week in June so she can start adapting to life outside her crib before we bring the baby home and have to adapt more.

And then I'll go back into the nursery and re-set everything. The hutch will be filled with clothes for our baby boy, the diapers will be re-stocked with newborn sizes, the crib will be empty with the exception of his new stuffed animals and clean sheets and a bumper once again.

Nesting is an interesting concept. For me personally, it becomes all consuming, an obsession that reminds me of all the tasks that need to be completed and all of the things I'm currently unable to do while pregnant. So for now I'll go back to sitting, waiting and wishing.

If you have any suggestions or ideas, must haves for a toddler room, please post a comment. Thanks

It's Not Easy Being Green or Preggo

It's not easy being green or preggo and for some people like me, they are one in the same on most days. And while this pregnancy has been a bigger challenge than my first, I'm so very grateful that we are expecting our second child. There are so many things and reasons to be grateful for, but there are also the side effects and complications that plague me which just come with my body handling pregnancy.

We're thankful God blessed us with another child without having to go through the draining, complicated and expensive process of fertility treatments. We're blessed that our ultrasounds and doctor's appointments have been full of good news. Both of us are ecstatic that in August we will have a family of four, with a son and a daughter or family of 6 as my hubby likes to say because he counts our dogs too. I'm grateful that I'm not confined to a bed or having certain restrictions to follow.

However, being preggo puts a tremendous strain on my body. I'm unable to work a full/part-time job other than being a SAHM Mom to my 18 month old rambunctious toddler. I can't walk for miles or work-out everyday. And while I am exercising my willpower to be more disciplined about what and how much I eat there are days when I crave junk and give in to the cravings. I don't sleep well, have frequent, vivid nightmares and need at least 1 nap per day. Between rampant hormones and vitamin deficiencies I get weak, dizzy, woozy and sometimes very afraid when experiencing these symptoms and prefer not to be alone.

The Braxton Hicks started early and will continue to plague me at various times throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. I have no bladder capacity and know where every public restroom within 10 miles of my house is located. I don't glow, I'm not toned and in shape and being pregnant does not make me beautiful. By the end of the day I'm exhausted, grumpy, hungry and not much fun to be around.

BUT these symptoms are not my fault. Given a choice I'd love to have the energy and ability to work a job while pregnant, to exercise almost every day and stay thin and toned, to clean the house, cook dinner and teach my child to read while eliminating the need to nap, run back and forth to the bathroom and eat frequent small meals. But no one has offered me that choice.

So I'll do the best I can everyday. I'll wake up and hope I have enough energy to care for and entertain my little girl. Chores and tasks will be completed as my time and body allows. And I'll try not to complain too much about the contractions, the nausea, exhaustion, swelling, compulsions, etc.

Here's what I ask of you: please don't blame me for being sick, I didn't order morning sickness and don't enjoy it nor have any control over it

-don't offer me pie, cake and cookies every time you see me and remind me "I'm eating for 2", those pounds have to come back off after the baby and that's not easy

- don't say you weren't meant to have children or "well I guess you shouldn't have any more because you don't do pregnant well", again this is not something I have any control over and those are my decisions not yours

-don't compare me to yourself and how you worked 40 hours a week on your feet even on your due date and were just fine, that just makes me feel like a failure and then I push my body to do more which can lead to problems

I'm writing this because I know I'm not the only one that wants to have the perfect pregnancy but instead feels like they're struggling to get through the days and the stages. We'd all like to have the perfect pregnancy but please don't blame us if we don't but instead support and encourage us to enjoy the good days, rest on the bad and be grateful for the experience.

I FINALLY Own an iPod

I finally own an iPod, my very own iPod Touch. For years I've been wanting an iPod and yet have held off convincing myself it was too much of a want and not a "need." You know the lists you make, need vs. want and then you try and stick to the needs so you're reducing debt and being responsible.

But tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I told my husband that I really wanted an iPod. I want to download some music for me to enjoy in the car, at the gym, during the day etc. And I want to start listening to some lullabies etc. so when the baby arrives he'll be used to some of the songs and find them calming.

After waiting this long you'd think I'd have a huge list of songs I want to download and add to my play list, right? I thought so too. But so far I've downloaded about 140songs and about 110 are either lullabies or toddler songs I downloaded for MC. What's up with that?

So I guess if you're reading this and you think of a song or songs that are a MUST HAVE for my new toy, then let me know since I seem to be drawing a blank at the moment.